I looked at my own cervix.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
