She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
