Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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