its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
