Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
