Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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