Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
