I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
