dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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