It was confusing and full of hummus
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
