Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
