Whod you bang
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
