I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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