omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
