he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't turn off my feet"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
