Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
