She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
