do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
