It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
