In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
