I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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