Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
