who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
