when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
