He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
