apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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