so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
