You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
