Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
