I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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