UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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