State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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