I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
