While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize