worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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