I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
