Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
