I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize