I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
