I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
