Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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