Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't turn off my feet"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
