I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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