and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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