Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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