her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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