Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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