can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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