so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
