I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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