Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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