her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
false alarm. still invincible.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
