I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
