She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize