I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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