Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
