Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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