So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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