oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
