September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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