I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
