I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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