I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
