So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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