but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
