Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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