i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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