Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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