hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize