I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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