Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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