PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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