Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
