I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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