I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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