I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
